[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Tongue-in-Cheek]
Elsa from Frozen has advice for Jane from Thor. And really for all of us. Of course, it’s a little tongue-in-cheek. Or maybe…just a little cheeky.
Come on now, let it go!
Video by Sonia Joie.
2The Good Mother’s Guide to Preparing Your 17 Year Old for the SAT
How to Prepare Your Student for the SAT
1. No studying. If a lifetime of education can’t get a person through the SAT, then… whatever.
2. Have the student prepare everything the night before the test:
-choose clothing
-set aside high protein breakfast in fridge (plain yogurt is good)
-pack a bag of snacks, ID, ticket, calculator, extra batteries and no cell phone
3. Make student go to bed by midnight (instead of the usual 2 am fare that keeps him/her sleeping until ten o’clock in the morning)
4. Go to bed late, because you are up trying to get student to go to bed by midnight. This will make you extra sleepy. So important! Set your clock for one hour before student is to arrive at test. You are to arrive no later than 7:45 am.
5. On the day of the test, sleep through your alarm. Get out of bed at exactly 7:44 am.
WAAAAA! [take a private Good Mother moment with the universe, then jar your student out of bed with a loud announcement of the final 30 seconds now available to show up on time. Take note of the uncanny speed with which your 17 year old is actually capable of moving. Save that knowledge for later.]
6. Race to the school (only 1 minute away, thank your lucky stars), try to enter by the wrong door, be chided by security, go to the right door with a hairstyle that would make any student proud of his mother, and deliver student to the SAT.
It’s all good. Student is awake (that counts for something) and couldn’t eat the plain yogurt in the car, because you forgot to sweeten it. You will, for the sake of expiation, accidentally eat the yogurt upon returning to your home (accidentally means the yogurt was sprinkled lightly with granola that has almonds, to which you are—not fatally—allergic).
That’s it. You are officially a good mother, who has successfully prepared your child to take the biggest exam of high school life.
Photo by Deborah Austin, Creative Commons, via Flickr.
4Love Humor: You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly
Love Humor: Chick Flicks as Couples Therapy
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Tongue in Cheek]
Sometimes a serious article is just too good to pass up for humorous opportunity. So it was for the fated Movie Date Night Can Double as Therapy, which Maureen Doallas read in the New York Times.
Says the article, “A fascinating new study shows that sappy relationship movies made in Hollywood can actually help strengthen relationships in the real world.”
Sappy relationship movies, supposedly strengthening relationships, can also make grist for real love humor poems.
Reel to Real: Study in Contrasts
He never wanted to be with me
at a chick flick. And I have to say,
I had some opinions on bromances
myself. So, we shook hands, agreed
It’s Complicated, this trying to bond
over the other’s rotten taste. I can
see Terms of Endearment any time;
he can meet the guys for Superbad.
If I had to watch that, I told him,
I’d just wanna go to the rooftops
and scream. Later, I dutifully noted
in my old Notebook that I’d hoped
he’d get over his love of Swingers.
If I can give up Steel Magnolias,
the least he can do is not replay
Shaun of the Dead. We could make
a Love Story all our own, I hinted.
He wouldn’t take that bait, even
after I showed him the University
of Rochester study about the role
of relationship movies being just
as effective as any couples therapy.
Neither of us would have to be in
a control group. He sniffed, claimed
he’d rather be Sleepless in Seattle
than discuss the implications
of Date Night or the highs and lows
of When Harry Met Sally. Still, he
didn’t laugh when he said he might
imagine me in She’s Having My Baby.
Me, Working Girl, that I am? He’s either
Clueless or snarfed too much Mystic Pizza.
Poem by Maureen Doallas.
4Literary Humor: Pineapples Seek Higher Education
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Tongue in Cheek]
It seems that it’s no longer enough to be an exotic tropical fruit. Higher education is now in order. The pineapples appear to be on the cutting edge, as the first fruits to seek MFA degrees.
3