[on a scale from wit to whimsy: LOL]
We’re not sure what Steve will get when he orders his hamburger. But, by the looks of it, he might be best suited to eat it through a straw.
Funny French Pink Panther video with Steve Martin.
3Loki Humor: Glorious Porpoise Poster
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Punny]
Poor, dear Loki. It’s rough being a god. With or without a purpose. Or a porpoise, as the case may be.
Loki Humor Poster via Facebook Thor. HT Sara Barkat.
2Love Humor: You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly
Love Humor: Chick Flicks as Couples Therapy
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Tongue in Cheek]
Sometimes a serious article is just too good to pass up for humorous opportunity. So it was for the fated Movie Date Night Can Double as Therapy, which Maureen Doallas read in the New York Times.
Says the article, “A fascinating new study shows that sappy relationship movies made in Hollywood can actually help strengthen relationships in the real world.”
Sappy relationship movies, supposedly strengthening relationships, can also make grist for real love humor poems.
Reel to Real: Study in Contrasts
He never wanted to be with me
at a chick flick. And I have to say,
I had some opinions on bromances
myself. So, we shook hands, agreed
Itās Complicated, this trying to bond
over the otherās rotten taste. I can
see Terms of Endearment any time;
he can meet the guys for Superbad.
If I had to watch that, I told him,
Iād just wanna go to the rooftops
and scream. Later, I dutifully noted
in my old Notebook that Iād hoped
heād get over his love of Swingers.
If I can give up Steel Magnolias,
the least he can do is not replay
Shaun of the Dead. We could make
a Love Story all our own, I hinted.
He wouldnāt take that bait, even
after I showed him the University
of Rochester study about the role
of relationship movies being just
as effective as any couples therapy.
Neither of us would have to be in
a control group. He sniffed, claimed
heād rather be Sleepless in Seattle
than discuss the implications
of Date Night or the highs and lows
of When Harry Met Sally. Still, he
didnāt laugh when he said he might
imagine me in Sheās Having My Baby.
Me, Working Girl, that I am? Heās either
Clueless or snarfed too much Mystic Pizza.
Poem by Maureen Doallas.
4Wanted: Parental Potty Patience
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Ticklish Funny]
Weāre in the middle of my favorite chic-but-cheap superstore when my four year-old gets that look on his face. āNo!ā I yell, to the consternation of a lady whoās trying to pick out perfect melons.
I think hardā¦I have a cart full of groceries, no diaper bag, and exactly twenty minutes to pay out, load my stuff into the car, and be at the pick-up line at my oldest sonās school.
I know what youāre thinking. Four years-old and still not trained? Trust me, I feel the same way. Weāve tried everything with son #2:
ā¢ the encouragement technique: “You can do it!”
ā¢ the peer-pressure technique: “Doesn’t everyone else in your class wear underwear?”
ā¢ the shaming technique: “Only babies go in their diapers.”
ā¢ and finally, the bribe technique: “If you go number two in the potty, we’ll buy you ANYTHING you want from the store.” (By the way, the price limit of said reward has escalated in recent months. He could ask for a live pony now and I might say yes.)
Nothing has worked. I’m not Catholic, but this sure seems like Purgatoryāor at least, one of Danteās circles of Hades. According to my extensive (okay, two-minute) Wikipedia research, there is actually a level where people are covered in humanā¦never mind.
The other day, I sat in the bathroom across from our little man, doing my best to affirm him. “You can do it!” I said.
Then I got so desperate for victory that I started chanting, “Push it out, push it out, w-a-a-a-a-y out!”
I’m on the edge here, people.
Back to the store. In one of those ācanāt believe Iām doing thisā moments, I decide that paying for groceries is more important than letting my little angel have another teachable moment.
I can stand the smell for a few minutes. Iām just not sure my cashier will be too happy about itā¦still, weāre in a part of town I donāt frequent too often, so Iām not that concerned.
I am concerned that this trial of parenting patience and stamina will never be over. Thatās why itās so nice to know that Iām not alone. In my saner moments, I remember that parents have potty-trained their offspring for thousands of years, and they survived the process. Maybe with a few extra grey hairs, but still.
I also know that my son is growing up fast, and he won’t be at this juncture forever. So Iām peddling for patience, gritting my teeth, and shelling out hard-earned cash for glorified diapers.
And I remind myself of a clichƩ that seems terribly, pun-fully appropriate here:
This, too, shall pass.
Photo by JeepersMedia, Creative Commons, via Flickr.
4Funny Cat Books: I Could Pee on This
This is a reprint from an article by Glynn Young, originally published at Tweetspeak Poetry.
***
Itās rather startling: a recurring line in poetry that reads āI could pee on that.ā
Charles Bukowski, perhaps? Sandra Bernhard waxing softly poetic?
Nope. A cat.
I Could Pee on This
Her new sweater doesnāt smell of me
I could pee on that
Sheās gone out for the day and
left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed
my head away
I could pee on him
Sheās ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
Sheās making up for it
by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this
Thatās the title poem of I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano. You may have heard of him; when heās not recording poems by cats, heās co-authoring the comic strip Sally Forth. Marciuliano writes the strip; Craig Macintosh draws it. The strip has no cats; those are saved for this book.
Growing up, I was a dog person. My family always seemed to have one, usually mixed breeds. We never had a cat.
My wife and I were married four months and living in Texas when our first cat came on the scene, a kitten huddled under a bush near the mailboxes of our apartment complex. No one else was around. I put up signs saying she was found. The signs were torn down. After the kitten became an adult, a friend charitably described her as looking like a silver polishing cloth. She also had the personality of a silver polishing cloth.
Every poem in I Could Pee on This is true.
Our cat lived until she was almost 18 years old. She was one sturdy silver polishing cloth.
A few years after her death, a black cat (a male) wandered into the neighborhood. The neighborhood children, including our youngest son, took pity and fed the cat milk and potato chips. A late cold snap promised to drive temperatures below zero, and my wife took pity. She allowed the cat to spend the night in our garage.
Thank you, my wife. To a homeless cat, thatās a sign of immediate adoption. The cat was so grateful that he left my wife a present on the doorstep ā a headless bunny.
The cat moved in.
The only poetry book about cats Iāve previously been aware of was T.S. Eliotās Old Possumās Books of Practical Cats, which inspired the musical Cats. But Eliot wrote those poems. Thereās no question that the poems of I Could Pee on This were written by cats.
Published in 2012, itās a laugh-out-loud collection. The poems are divided into four sections: family, work, play, and existence. Which means they are mostly about sleeping.
Itās 8 a.m. and time to rest
Itās 10 a.m. and time to relax
Itās noon and time for repose
Itās 3 p.m. and time for shut-eye
Itās 6 p.m. and time for siesta
Itās 9 p.m. and time to slumber
Itās midnight and time to snooze
Itās 4 a.m. and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming
This is a tell-it-like-it-truly-is collection of poems about cats and by cats. At the end of the month, Marciuliano is publishing I Could Chew on This ā poems by dogs. At least there will be some balance.
Except with cats, no such thing as balance exists. Even a book like I Could Take You to the Taxidermist: And Other Poems by Cat Owners still wouldnāt be sufficient to counter cats.
Cats rule. And they know it.
Photo by pedrosimoes7, Creative Commons, via Flickr.
3Funny Eating: Cooking Fast and Fresh With West
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Adorably Funny]
Misha Collins and his toddler West know how to cook fast. If your plumb line is decades, that is.
HT for funny video: Sonia Joie
4Funny Videos: FrasierāNiles Starts a Fire
Funny Penguins & the Polar Vortex
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Accidental, sweetly Funny]
The Polar Vortex is getting everybody down.
Even the poor little penguins. š
Funny penguins video HT: Maureen Doallas
3Funny Songs: Taylor the Latte Boy
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
She loves him, she loves him, she loves him. For his caffeine and his generous foam.
Taylor the Latte Boy Song by Marcy Heisler and Zina Goldrich. Sung by Kristin Chenoweth. Photo by Wickerfurniture, Creative commons via Flickr.
3Humor at the Door (or in the House)
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
Well, have you?
Give it go. (And don’t stop until you find your chuckle. It’s hiding around here somewhere.)
Source So Much Pun, HT to Jody Ohlsen Collins.
4Apple’s iPad Air: Most Popular Poetry Producing Venues
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Dry, Funny, Smirk]
By now we’ve all seen the ad.
(You haven’t? Hold on a second, then. Fire up your YouTube and watch it.)
It’s poignant. Inspiring. Leaves a person wanting to rush out and buy an iPad Air so he can capture gorgeous footage of Iguazu Falls (wish I’d had one when I was there). Or chase a terrifying storm (I don’t need one for that).
But we all know the setting where iPad gets its most strenuous use, don’t we?
So then, you there in the lavatory: What will your verse be?
***
Comic by Doghouse Diaries, licensed under Creative Commons
HT Poetry International
Gateway to Poetry Leads to Dangerous Life of Literature
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
1 in 5 teenagers will experiment with poetry. Well, we certainly hope so.
And when they are fully ours (bwa ha ha!), we will finish the deal with Tolkien.
HT for poster to Kathryn Neel. Source: Family Friend Poems
***
Teen Reading & Writing Workshop on Tolkien begins March 3. Sign up today!
5Loki: I’m Reading a Book Video
[On a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
Overall, a funny video with dashes of dark humor. And, to tell you the truth, I get it. Who likes to be interrupted when reading a book? Could make a person… grumpy.
Enjoy Loki. Enjoy a laugh.
4Funny Chickens Poetry Reading
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
We have a thing for chickens over at Tweetspeak Poetry. How could we not? Just look at the way they write such brilliant poetry.
Funny chickens comic by Doug Savage. HT: Elizabeth Marshall.
***
Check out the Top 10 Funny Poems at Tweetspeak Poetry
Loki: Glorious Purpose Video
[on a scale from wit to whimsy: Funny]
Loki has a glorious purpose, which becomes a glorious…porpoise, in this lightly funny animation by Sara Barkat.
***
Browse more funny animations and comics from Sara Barkat, at Tweetspeak Poetry.
3